I would love to hear suggestions about how to bless, acknowledge, console, and celebrate the gift of life. Because of the internet, we all have had the opportunity to meet many families that experience the joy of a new pregnancy, the grief of a miscarriage or death of a child, and the wonderful news of a new baby. I want to celebrate with my friends but need suggestions beyond "Congratulations!" and "We are praying for you!"
What would you send a family that miscarried?
What would you send a family/mother/friend who lost a baby shortly after birth?
What would you send an close internet friend who just had a baby?
What would you send an internet friend who miscarried?
What would you send a friend who found out she is expecting her 11th baby? 3rd baby? 8th baby?
Thank you in advance!! God bless!
Great questions Lindsay! From personal experience, I have been on the receiving end of some really thoughtful and wonderful words of consolation after some of our repeated miscarriages. One in particular stands out from a few years ago. A whole group of my close internet friends, most of whom I have still never met in person but are such amazing friends all got together unbeknownst to me and sent me a beautiful letter containing a spiritual bouquet and also some chocolate covered strawberries. It really touched me! I also received a card on the expected due date of one of our miscarried children and that was great because they took the time to remember my baby, when so many others had long forgotten. At my parish they have a meals for new mom's ministry, but they also have one for women who have gone through a miscarriage. The coordinator asked me if this is something I would have liked and of course, there is a different level of sensitivity for those types of situations, but I said "Yes"! So, instead of bringing new moms a meal a couple times a week for a few weeks, the meals for women have miscarried it set-up that a bunch of different women make a set of freezer meals, collect them all and then one person brings them over to the family and includes a little gift basket full of resources to help them with the grieving process and a little memento to remember their child by (along with information on how to have their child remembered - they can have their name engraved on the Unborn Memorial at our cemetery, etc.) For my close internet friends that have had babies, I do try to send them a little something whether it be an outfit, or I really like cute little Saint books and I send that to them. But life happens and sometimes the timing of the gift though is bit delayed, I finally got a couple of "new baby" gifts sent out before Christmas and those babies were 16 months and 7 months old. ;) I also have organized some spiritual bouquets for people who have experienced miscarriages and that has been a grace filled activity. I look forward to seeing what other people recommend!
ReplyDeleteThis might be obvious, but can you elaborate on what a spiritual bouquet is? Thank you! It sounds beautiful.
DeleteOh of course! Sorry, I should haven't left that part out! It can take on many forms, but at the core of it, people offer various prayers, rosaries, their attendance at Mass for the intended recipient. People can pick whatever they want to and then the organizer collects them all and then gives them to the recipient. I have participated in a few over the years and the one I was on the receiving end of following one of my miscarriages had all of the following in the letter I received: 9 Rosaries, 6 Divine Mercy Chaplets, The St. Gianna Chaplet (begins 4/20), Daily Prayers, Sacrifices for the week, St. Jude Novena, A Mother’s Prayer, Offering of the Mass, CD1, A week of daily Rosaries, Prayers in front of a 1st class JP2 relic. It was a group of 20 of my friends that were included in that letter, so every woman put what she wanted to do and then one of my friends grouped them together and sent them to me. It meant so much to me and I still think about. Another idea that our local Catholic school did recently, was have all of the kids in each class commit to some prayer or other devotional for our Pastor in honor of Clergy Appreciation Day. The teachers then collected them by class and gave them to him. I saw the first grade class and their's was so cute. They each traced one of their hands on a piece of paper, cut it out, wrote their offering on each finger and then curled the fingers up. They attached a pipe cleaner (I think or maybe just a piece of paper) to the base of the hand and the teacher collected them in bouquet. It looked like an actual bouquet of lilies the way the fingers were curled up. It was really cute! Lots of ideas I think on Pinterest for decorating and making a spiritual bouquet. But it could be as simple as you want, or as elaborate as you want, but the most important part is lifting up the person in prayer.
DeleteWhat great insight, Marie! I love all of this and will come back to read this several times. You certainly have carried this cross of losing and wanting babies! Thank you for taking the time to write! You are so right! The wonderful gift of a spiritual bouquet would be overwhelmingly wonderful and so meaningful! Great idea! Thank you friend!
DeleteI'm looking forward to hearing these answers!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sweet idea Lindsay! I still have a tiny little handmade pewter heart that a good friend gave me after maybe first or second miscarriage-it was just the perfect gift that meant so much to me and I still keep in my drawer. I've also received a St. Gerard holy card that I adored and really helped me get through some worrisome pregnancies. We have a studio near us that makes gorgeous stone sculptures-I have given and received them especially this one (they also have angels, saints, etc):
ReplyDeletehttp://www.carruthstudio.com/products/Garden-Pixie.aspx
I pictured my little ones wrapped up like this, waiting for me in heaven.
I think from you Lindsay, words of encouragement would be enough because moms of many need support as we often feel lonely in the work we do. It would be a rare and precious gift, and you have a wonderful way of encouragement about you!
A tiny little heart! So perfect! Such great ideas here! YES! Words of encouragement are so important! A friend once told me to remember that you gave birth. You had a child except that child isn't in your arms. Good things to remember!
DeleteThank you.
After a second trimester miscarriage, a friend ordered me a gold ring that would have fit our baby. It was very small but there are online sources for these rings. It's a nice physical reminder to me that our baby was real and it looks good added onto an existing pendant on any necklace.
ReplyDeleteI have received many handwritten notes after losses and I think that is the easiest and most meaningful. So many people just go silent after miscarriages as they don't know what to say. Just say some form of -you are so sorry about the loss of their dear baby and you are there for them. It means a lot. I still have all the notes I received.
What a thoughtful gift and so personal and perfect! I love it! How are you and the little guy doing? Notes are always so meaningful too!
DeleteI love the idea of miscarriage ornaments. My kids all have special yearly ornaments they receive. So to have one for our miscarried child is special to us. If you search "miscarriage ornaments" on etsy, there are some great choices. We were part of a community that gave us a plant in remembrance of our baby. Because we lost our baby early and there were no remains, they also had her name engraved at a memorial sight for the unborn. And because we moved and were unable to visit, my friend made a crayon rubbing of her engraving. That piece of paper is very precious to me.
ReplyDeleteOrnaments!! I never thought of that! Such a great visual reminder. I am going to search for those on etsy. Thank you!
DeleteTo a mom who has discovered she'll be having #8,#9, or more, just say, "How wonderful." "Joyous News", or a nice card conveying those sentiments - let her know the child is welcome and a blessing! Flowers might be nice, but not everyone likes flowers (or has a household where cut flowers last more then an hour before little toddlers or pets attack them.)
ReplyDeleteTo select a gift for a baby who is #8, #9, or more can be a challenge. I have 11 kids, and when people would ask me what I needed, I'd draw a blank. We had most of the baby stuff, and as you have more kids, you realize you need less than you thought. What did help are gift cards for restaurants/fast food, so in the first weeks post baby, the family can get an easy meal if it's one of those crazy days. Or a set of paper plates/bowls/cups to cut down on dishes in the first weeks.
One of my sisters had 8 cheese pizzas delivered after my 10th child - they ate it for a meal or two, and the extras went into the deep freeze to be pulled out for a quick lunch or dinner in the following weeks. After #11, she had 24 sub sandwiches sent - it kept the kids and dad at home going for days.
For a family who has lost or miscarried a child, I think a flowers or tree that can be planted in the yard would be a lovely way to remember the baby. If they don't have a yard where this would be possible, sometimes city or school parks will have opportunities to donate a tree/plant in someone's memory. A tangible reminder of someone's short life.
Thank you for this great insight! I love the 8 cheese pizzas. Food is such a gift! Truly.
DeleteMy first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. I was devastated at the loss of these two children, but I didn't know how to talk about it or grieve over it. I think if someone told me it was okay to be sad, it was okay to take time, that would have been helpful. Just because it happens often doesn't mean you must act like nothing happened.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! We have lost four babies and I always wonder who they were! We love each so much and I cannot help but to have wanted to hold them too! I am sorry for your losses.
DeleteI received a small statue of the pieta after my miscarriage and it will always remind me of my sweet baby. It was a very emotional gift to receive and I prefer not to cry in front of people so maybe mail it or wrap and let the person open in private. Also, right after a miscarriage I was so emotional it was hard to talk about at all, but once I was more ready (2-3 weeks after) everyone else wanted to pretend it never happened.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful gift you received. I love the pieta. I am sorry for the loss of your little one.
DeleteFor moms having their third or more child, i like to send an embroidered stroller blanket from pottery barn kids w the child's name and birth date on it. It's just a nice thing as it's more unlikely that a later child in a big fam will have a personalized item.
ReplyDeleteI love this so much! What a great idea! I have a thing for blankets!
DeleteSimply acknowledging a miscarriage meant the world to me. We've had 7, and only once did someone send a card. Feeling alone, grieving alone - that was almost harder than losing a baby for me. When friends have miscarried, I've tried to send cards, or flowers, or a dessert or meal. When I was pregnant with #1 and almost lost her, you brought me a children's book, and it gave me so much HOPE as I lay there on bedrest. Some of the best gifts I've received are simply notes or cards of congratulations, especially encouragement because being open to life takes a kind of bravery I just don't have. We're currently expecting #8, and I can't believe the reactions of some people, even Catholic friends... not positive ones. When a good friend gushes about how lucky we are, how blessed we are, that encouragement is so appreciated! Any gift, big or small, for those babies, it just means the world that someone cares and believes they are a gift from God.
ReplyDeleteGreat point!!! A million CONGRATULATIONS on your newest little one! I have such a heart for all babies, but especially later babies in families as they usually don't exist in this world. I want to acknowledge their greatness and wonderfulness like they were our first or second babies. You know? They have no less value and I'm not quite sure how that mentality began. I've never had THIS baby before. Ever. Nor has the world ever known this specific person so ??? Anyway, we are thrilled for you! Such great news and I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. It is so lonely. I understand. I wanted you. I wanted all of you. I wanted to see you and know you. God bless. Thanks for writing.
DeleteYour blog is my absolute favorite. So uplifting, so encouraging, and so God-honoring!! Here is a post from another Catholic blog that I have bookmarked on this subject. The author has wonderful ideas for grieving parents: http://www.motheringspirit.com/after-loss/what-to-do-when-a-friend-loses-a-baby/
ReplyDeleteWhen I lost a pregnancy, a friend planted some bulbs at my house. I like to see the flowers come up each year, reminds me of that baby.
ReplyDeleteLindsay,
ReplyDeleteI too always wonder what I can do to congratulate a friend on a pregnancy or comfort a friend after a miscarriage. After we lost our little Dominic, our community was SO wonderful to us! I received dinners, cards, flowers, etc. But my favorite gifts were a small statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe that I keep in my kitchen so I see it every day and a Willow Tree statue (or can be an ornament) of an angel holding a baby. And two of my friends just found out they were expecting #7, so I would love to get them a card and even make them dinner, as we all know how tough that first trimester can be! I love all the ideas everyone has shared!!!
I love immediate phone calls, squeals of joy for good friends! And then, food. I wish I could send some to people whose blogs I love, or people I don't know in person, but I don't want to ask and seem creepy! Food when people have morning sickness, miscarriage, baby. Each time, you have something else you would rather concentrate on- but people need to eat, so it takes care of one burden. I paid for a housecleaning when a friend had a stillborn baby. 4 tiny kids- she was sick, anemic and in bed. I ran to the pharmacy and get her iron pills without telling her, because I knew she needed them. I think when people ask what someone needs, they might not get a real answer. This was a great blog question! I have had health struggles- out of the blue, after an injury during a routine hernia surgery. I was fine, and then all of a sudden I was bed ridden, with chronic pain. The food train began! My priests wife tutors my homeschooled kids.
ReplyDeleteThe Earth Mama/Angel Baby brand (they make all natural body care products) sells a baby loss gift package that is lovely. Some friends of mine sent one to me after our full-term loss.
ReplyDeleteFood. Always food. Or a gift card for coffee...or food :)
ReplyDeleteLaurel Box.com is an amazing company that sends beautiful boxes to grieving mothers on your behalf. I've used them for a friend who miscarried and for my aunt who lost her son (my cousin at 26 yrs old)
ReplyDeleteLaurel Box.com is an amazing company that sends beautiful boxes to grieving mothers on your behalf. I've used them for a friend who miscarried and for my aunt who lost her son (my cousin at 26 yrs old)
ReplyDeleteLaurel Box.com is an amazing company that sends beautiful boxes to grieving mothers on your behalf. I've used them for a friend who miscarried and for my aunt who lost her son (my cousin at 26 yrs old)
ReplyDeleteAuthor: Julian Caden
ReplyDeleteTopic: Pregnant at 52 after reunion love spell
Testimony:
-My marriage was falling almost dead due to a bit argument, depression, feelingless and numbed attitudes of my Hubby, he preferred being silent so as to hurt me.
-Although there’re days he has been fine and good to me, we cook, eat and do things together, but we still like stepping on a dozen of eggs, we were not at ease as like before when our marriage was still in an excellent shape. Most times after saying some hurtful words to me like; I cannot bear his children anymore cos of my age. He says sorry and apologize cos he knows that he’s acting passive, numbed and feelingless to me and frustration hits him back again and again.
-I truly love my Hubby and feels guilty of our misfortune, I have always wanted to trace back my wrongs and make some amendments so we can live as a happy family with our children by our side. I was tired of seeing him hurt inside.
-He eventually served me with a divorce letter after 18 years of our blessed marriage. His reason was that we could never work things out together again, I couldn’t bear his children, shutting him off to be involved in my life and affairs, he feels numbed when he thinks of those circumstances.
-I was deeply hurt before consulting Dr. Wakina Love Temple, even though I tried day by day to adjust to the woman of his choice but he didn’t see my efforts.
-At the end, I was put in a better position with my Hubby by Dr. Wakina love spell via his email dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com. I’m 7 months pregnant already at 52. It’s a magical work of Dr. Wakina that restored our dream.
HOW TO FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND DIVORCE ISSUES. blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com,
ReplyDeleteAt last my happiness and joy has been restored as my husband who left me for another girl has finally come back good and still lovely to me , i want to use this time to give thanks to Dr Blessing who has use his love spell and prayers to bring back my ex lover and also share little about my rough story between me and my husband and the other girls , i got married to the man i loved Sanchez June 23 2013 and we have been together ever since and we have leaved happily we both have a daughter , but this year 2017 when has traveled to new York on a business things changed even when he was away he never called to say hi to me and my daughter and this was unlikely of him because he loves our daughter to sky , so i began to suspect something wasn't right, but i waited for he to return to me in Canada so i know what the problems was, only for Sanchez to come back asking for divorce at first i thought he was joking , but with time i saw he was so serious on this , i tried to plead with he but nothing changed , i called my mom telling her about the situation and she said to pray about it , i was depressed and devastated on this issues and was praying and looking for help to stop the divorce and save my marriage, i seek help with many persons non could help , i continue with the search of help because i knew and have the feelings my man was not on his right senses because i know the man i married can never ask me for a divorce, so i kept on looking for solutions i spent almost all my savings seeking solution , until the Juliana a working told me about Dr blessing of blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com, i never wanted to email him because many has taken money from me without giving any good result, but when he gave her words about Dr Blessing i decided to give it a trial , contacted him and told him about myself , he told me that he will have me to make my husband stop the divorce and reunite us again , that he gave me three days after which everything will be back to it normal place for good , i did some few things he said i should do as instructed , and let he do his work i was at work on the 15th of July about 10 AM when i received letter from my husband that my husband has cancelled the divorce case and same day at about 12 noon my husband wrote me a sweet text , and this was how me and my husband came back and today we are better as one family , so i want to use this means to tell to you all here contact Dr Blessing to for any kind of relationship or married problems and i let he solve it for you just as he has done for me , his contacts
Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com
blessingspiritualtemple@yahoo.com
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Never worry and feel tansed but always take proper rest and follow the instructions given by your care taker or doctor.
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My name is SHERRY WALJER from USA Massachusetts, i want to testify to the general public how my relationship was restored back by the great power's of Dr Larry after three months of loneliness, my ex-lover called me after my contact with Dr Larry that he want us to come back and start a good home, now we are happily together again as lovers. All thanks to Dr Larry who did a love spell for me for my ex lover to return home. I will keep sharing this until people who also need help see this for his wonderful help. You can contact him on his via email assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +1(424)-261-8520.
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My name is SHERRY WALJER from USA Massachusetts, i want to testify to the general public how my relationship was restored back by the great power's of Dr Larry after three months of loneliness, my ex-lover called me after my contact with Dr Larry that he want us to come back and start a good home, now we are happily together again as lovers. All thanks to Dr Larry who did a love spell for me for my ex lover to return home. I will keep sharing this until people who also need help see this for his wonderful help. You can contact him on his via email assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +1(424)-261-8520.
https://assurancesolutionhome.blogspot.com website http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/ youtube https://youtu.be/4shxcyUlqtg
LOVE SPELLS THAT WORKS I am sharing this testimony to partners suffering in their relationships because there is an enduring solution.
ReplyDeleteMy husband left me and our 2 kids for another woman for 3 years. I tried to be strong just for my kids but I could not control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed a help, so i did a research on the internet and came across a site where I saw that Dr. Ojoka a spell caster, can help get lovers back. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprises, after some days, my husband came back home. That was how we reunited again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family.
You can as well contact Dr. Ojoka , a powerful spell-caster for solutions on his contact dr.ojokaspelltemple@gmail .com or directly on Whats App: +2348144172934
MY Name Hanna Rosin, form, (USA) After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Osasu can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Osasu . he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr. Osasu real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact
ReplyDeleteCall/WhatsApp: +2347064365391
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My name munilah from USA i want to testify of a powerful spell caster who return my ex boyfriend,it all started when i took his phone and saw a lady message her that she enjoyed the last time and i confronte about it he was angry and and stop talking to me from that day he started acting strange then he told me he didn't want me anymore that he loves someone else i was so diver-stated i cried all day and night he blocked me from his instagram and on phone so i couldn't reach him anymore this made me sad and cry even the more i was searching for something online when i saw a comment about maam great work i contacted him and told him about my problems and i did everything he asked me to do he told me after 24hrs my ex will return back to me well i doubted him though because my ex didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore the next day to my greatest surprise he called me and was begging me to give him another chance now we are both happy together all thanks to maam he can also help you contact below
ReplyDeleteThis is the website I read about Doctor Okaka and contacted him to help me get my ex boyfriend back to marry me during the month of December last year and I have come back here to post about him. Doctor Okaka will help you solve your problem no matter what you are going through. Posting about a spell caster is very strange to me because I never believed i will be able to say that I was helped by a spell caster in bringing my ex boyfriend back to me after 3 years of no contact. I read about his voodoo spell from other websites and contacted him to help me and in less than 48 hours my ex boyfriend called me and I was happy that he wants to get back to me. We met on Friday and he proposed to me,... It was the most beautiful ring. Please everyone out here, Contact Doctor to solve your problem for you and make you happy with your relationship that is hurting you. Love is the best feeling ever experienced. Email him at drokaka18@gmail.com or WhatsApp number:+2348141972381.
ReplyDeleteEver since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him +2348143581382 if you seek his help. Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE
ReplyDeleteMy name is Valary West.I'm from Canada, My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behaviour from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail.
ReplyDeleteI became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through I am very happy today with my family. My name is West Valary living in Canada, My husband left me for good 3 months now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr. Odumeje a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 48 hours. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email odumejetemple@gmail.com ..
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ReplyDeleteAm so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
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