Friday, December 9, 2011

Mr. Church Pants

I have been writing our blog for over two years now. I have mentioned John's sweetness, gentleness, spiritualness, wonderfulness, etc., etc. many times, BUT I have failed miserably to mention his best quality. Funniness.

He is hysterical. Not to be confused with the ole' "No one makes me laugh harder than my husband" comment. NO! He is legitimately hysterical. Not just to me. Oh No! My college roommates, his siblings, strangers, family members, my sisters, his identical twin sister, my brothers often remark to me about his humor. His stories are legendary. His mother tells me he was a cartoon to raise. In fact so much, that I have assumed everyone knows that I am married to Mr. Funny. If you meet him, you will find this soft spoken, mild mannered, well-behaved professional or father. If you get to know him, you will realize I have greatly underestimated his behaviors.

My mom even will say to me "Have you thanked God for John's sense of humor?" She is highly spiritual and EVEN counts that up there on the things I need to thank God for. True dat!

Example #1: He calls often throughout the day and we always begin each morning conversation as follows:

me: "Hi!"
him: "Hi! How's your day going?
me: "Good"
him: "Who moved it (referring to the morning offering) and how many times?"
Why do married couples discuss these things?
me: I tell him the quota of diapers changed. We remark together about the diaperlings amazing abilities everyday and then usually sing a short version of "They like to move it. Move it." (Madagascar)
Everyday.

Example #2:
He sees the world in a funny way. Like, he will keep track on a piece of paper in his coat pocket the first names of the old ladies he sees that day and calls to tell me the names. He also will call to tell me if he sees any elderly people riding together in a car in groups or especially if he sees a singular elderly person riding alone in the back seat. You have to agree that people riding in backseats are generally funny especially if they are alone, but being over 75 years of age takes it to a whole new level.


Example #3: (His best and most famous globally.)
If you have heard the term "Church Pants" floating around this decade or so, He is the originator.

This is how the story went. After leaving the Newman Center one night after mass and adoration, I had noticed he was what one would assume "deep in prayer." Later, I find out the real story.

John: "Lindsay, I just don't get it?"

me: "Get what?"

John: "Don't people feel that?" "Do you think they know it and just don't know what to do about it?"

me: (My mind is thinking something spiritual. Something he realized why praying.) "Umm, yeah, I know??? Exactly what were you thinking about it? (Puzzled Steve Martin giving the Blender look like he did in Father of the Bride.)

John: "Church Pants"

me: "What?" (I was quite aware that the person in front of us had the condition during mass, but didn't think extensively like Juan did about the whole thing.)

John: "I just don't get it. I would move, do a little jiggle, something, but he just stood there.
I get nothing out of mass when "it" is in view."

me: (dying)

John: "You know, come to think about it I think it happens after the homily. Everyone has been sitting relaxed listening to Father preach and then you have to stand up. You are still meditating about what he said so maybe you aren't aware of what party just happened on your back porch." (Please view lower portion of photo below if you are still confused.)

From that point on, people everywhere have accused John of ruining mass for them because of the syndrome occurring to them or someone within sight.

Example of Church pants although this would be Grocery store pants.
Homily Theory blown.


Sorry.

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