12 Years Later

We celebrated our 12th Anniversary on Sunday.  I just told someone tonight how I knew the moment I met you, I would marry you.  I was spending the summer with your family.  You had just driven back from your sophomore year of college at Catholic University of America in Washington, DC.  I loved you before I met you because your sisters spoke about you with dreamy eyes.  They would say things like, "Everything is better when John is home."  or  "John always plays with us."  I remember thinking how unique you must be if you are loved by your six little sisters.  I met you and drove to the Newman Center for mass.  I called my mom from the pay phone and told her that I was going to marry you.  We met on May 19, 1998 and we married exactly three years later on May 19, 2001.

May 2001 on our honeymoon in Cancun, Mexico.

I know we both feel overly blessed in our lives mainly with each other and the 11 children God has so chosen to send us in these 12 years of marriage.  We have three souls in heaven (St. Benedict, St. Margaret, and St. Francis) that I know we both look forward to meeting and finally say, "Oh, it was you!"  We are not fools to know that the cross can come at any time in our lives so I pray we both are on watch always.  I offer my rosary everyday for specific intentions and always one decade is set aside for you that Our Good Lord  and His Mother will protect you mind, body, and soul.  I hope to always remember the words a good priest friend told us, "Pray that each other will have final perseverance and keep their faith."

                               May 19, 2013 John and I with our eighth child.  (5 months pregnant)  

What they see

I vividly remember certain visual aspects of my own childhood.  My mother had a plaque that hung by our green rotary dial phone that read, "When a day is hemmed in by prayer, it is less likely to unravel."  Her friend, Helen Schmitt, gave it to her.  If you open any of her kitchen cupboards, you will most likely be startled as she has an unusual collection of pictures of male saints plastered inside every cupboard. Padre Pio gets me everytime in the cereal cupboard when I am home visiting.  I remember all these spiritual tokens fondly and wonder what my children will remember when they are older.  I wanted to blog about this in case they were ever trying to remember certain statues, quotes, or images when they are older.

 I saw this quote before we were married at the McNeely household.  St. John Vianney said these magnificent words that I have imprinted on my soul and finally made into wall words.  This is above our kitchen sink.

 The view in front of our sink.  I should tally how many times I stand in front of our sink.  I am there so much I figured this should be my little home altar.  The large statue of St. John Bosco was given to me by John before we were married.  I have always loved him most because he loved young children so much and truly saw them as God sees them.  Out of all the parenting books and styles I have read, my choice of styles is by far his.  He saw goodness in every soul that came to him.  

 I just bought this last week at Adoremus bookstore.  My mother loves St. Maximillian Kolbe and I also get teary-eyed when I think of his great love for souls.  This was perfect for me as this is one of my top five favorite scripture passages.  To me, it is the perfect motherhood motto.

 The beauty of the Blessed Mother's face on this card reminded me of my own sweet Rose and her sweet face especially with the inscription on the bottom.

 My mom sent this little strip to me when we lived in Oklahoma and Lillie was very sick.  I taped it below the window and often think how funny it is that this little piece of paper made the journey from Oklahoma back to Nebraska.  It is getting worn and tattered, but it reminds me of my mother.

 Msgr. Fucinaro gave this to John and I for a wedding present.  It is a first class relic of St. Anne.  Anne is my middle name so the relic is extra special. 

I have several friends who are mega-godmothers.  They remember every important day in their godchildren's lives.  I wish I could remember to do that every year, but I do pray for each one of them every day, numerous times a day especially when I am standing at the kitchen sink.  

Lauritzen Gardens

Our homeschool group traveled to Omaha to tour the Lauritzen Botanical Gardens. As an added bonus, the Nature Connects exhibit was still on display.  It was worth driving up to Omaha just to see the Legos. The kids always a have a good time doing mostly anything, but I can always tell when they REALLY truly and thoroughly enjoy something. They truly and thoroughly enjoyed this field trip.

 Rose in front of the Lego rose.

 Aren't these just amazing?

 Dominic with his friend William.  They spent the day discussing their current reads and other objects of their current affections.  On the agenda today, PARASITES.  The innocence of childhood friendship.

 My second favorite child look next to the profile view:  the look of wonder

 The Lego scrape

 Mine and their favorite spot outdoors.  They would have been perfectly happy jumping the scream for a few hours.

 We enjoyed a picnic lunch up by the trains on the bluff at Kenefick Park, followed by ice cream, and a stop by Adoremus Catholic book store.  One should not take their checkbook in that store.  

We arrived home by 4:00 PM.  

I looked over at one point and they were all reading at the same time.  All in their own worlds.  Dominic said it perfectly, "Mom, couldn't you just read all day?"  Indeed I could!

My sister Damaris is with us again this summer.  Everybody needs a sister named Damaris who spends her summers with their older sister so cheerfully.  She will be working this summer, but we still get to see her for a few hours each day.  We usually go to the library every 2-3 weeks, but when Damaris is in town the average bumps up to every 2-3 days.  After we returned home from Omaha, we went to the library  and played outside until 8:00.  They stopped briefly to come inside to eat dinner, but the rest of the day was spent reading on the lawn, swinging, running, and digging in the dirt.  My perfect day indeed!  

Being with my mother

I was able to see my mother on Mother's Day. She lives about three too many hours from our home so it was a treat to be with her. EVERY time I am with her, I am reminded what children really want from their mothers. We sat at Mary's Cafe in the little town of Hebron, Nebraska. We shared a chocolate shake, she ordered her favorite fried chicken dinner, and I brought her a couples pieces of wedding cake with buttercream frosting. John knows I love wedding cake so he had a friend make me one for Mother's Day. I had to share as I inherited the love from her. She devoured her piece in the car.

It is often easy to lose sight of what children really need. I will speak for myself in getting often caught up in feeling guilty for not taking them on different outings or being tempted that it would be fun to buy them certain things. I often see what I am not doing for them. Being able to spend a short hour and a half with her reminds me that my children just want me and my time. She always comes to help when we have a baby. Although I love the cooking, cleaning, and help with the other children, I always tell her, "Please just sit here with me." I just love that she is with me. I know my children feel the same. They just want my presence as I know I love her presence. I also noted that I love when she is happy. She doesn't have to entertain me or anything. I simply love when she is happy and full of life.

The way you love me

As I was walking down our front steps this morning, I really did pause and take in the beauty of all colors of spring. We have light pink cherry blossom trees across the street, vibrant and muted purple phlox just around the corner, another raspberry colored beauty just down the way. There are pops of yellow and green everywhere. The beauty still my souls. In particular, I noticed our tree directly in front as it had shed most of its blossoms on our driveway leaving the illusion of snow. I remarked in my head, "I must show our children when they wake up." I was away running a few errands only to return to the following.

The white snow flowers.

I rounded the corner to our home and was met with this. Oh Johnny, he knows my heart. The language to my heart is through words and time. I left our home this morning admiring beauty and I returned with sentiments that stayed with me throughout the day. I will always remember this sweetness. What was sweet to me is that the kids told me later they saw him outside. Dominic said, "I just thought he was cleaning up the driveway."

Four things we should NEVER say

One of my friends pointed out that language means nothing anymore.  Words have no weight.  I willingly admit I am over sensitive to the issues of LIFE as to John and I nothing is more important than defending the rights of the unborn.  Daily, my mind drifts to what those poor babies must endure during an abortion and it brings me to my knees.  At least once a day, John and I theorize what will turn this train around.

I know we must start basic.  One of the most basic elements we can begin with is our language.  My father was in real estate.  His boss, Jim Reiter, was an elderly gentlemen filled with wisdom.  My father was a man that if he told you he was going to do something, you had his word.  His word meant everything. Futhermore,  Jim told my father that back in the day a handshake was a contract.  A HANDSHAKE.  How have we slipped?

The first basic item we must get in order is our language of LIFE.   I can honestly say that in my eleven years of mothering I have NEVER encountered a single instance of criticism when I am out with my children.  I am very aware of the short amount of time we have together and I take our time together very seriously.  I have the temperament that truly desires to experience life to its greatest end all under the umbrella of truth and beauty.  With that being said, I am never offended by any comment because our children mean so much more to us than any comment could ever come our way.  I am blessed because of their presence and so proud of each of them and the person they are that if a small meager remark comes our way, I often think in my head "You have no idea and if you had the time, I could verbally dictate a novel to you about the beauty of each child and all the wonder they bring to us."

There are four phrases that need to be ERASED from our mouths in order for our culture to move forward.

1.  WE ARE DONE.

No married person should ever, ever say these words.  How do you know you are done? God is the giver of life.  He lets us participate, but ultimately He gives life.   Webster dictionary gives the following for the definition of life:  "the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body."  If we are not people of LIFE, we are people of DEATH.  I often want to ask, "DONE?  Has it really been that bad?  You can look into the eyes of your child and say NO MORE.  I am done with that."

2.  We want three kids (or however many you have predetermined.)

Once again, how can we put limits on His love?  Do we ever set limits on anything else God so chooses to bless us with?  For example, I have never heard anybody say, "I only want to make $100,000 and after that I refuse to make or take anymore."  or "I only want to win the lottery once and if I ever won again, I wouldn't accept it."  Has the understanding of the value of each person been so numbed down that we just see number not the person?  What if you can't have those three children?  What if one of those predetermined children dies?  We must remark, "I want what God wants of me."  

3.  We are waiting.

I know I am going to get it for this one.  A couple summers ago, we attended a most beautiful wedding of a beautiful couple.  They had prayerfully discerned their vocation and wanted desperately to give their lives to God.  When the proposal came, they prayed  a rosary.  God was so intertwined in their lives.  We were sitting at the reception and one of our children made a comment about their future children.  A friend was sitting at our table and said, "Oh, that won't happen for a couple years.  They are waiting.  They don't have much money and just want to be a couple for a while."  WHAT??????????  I felt the air get sucked out of my beautiful bubble.  We were at this beautiful wedding of a beautiful couple who wanted to GIVE CHRIST THEIR all except...a child.  The WHOLE point of the married vocation.  I make the relation on a teacher being hired, but doesn't want to teach the first year (even though she is hired).  I make the relation to a priest being ordained, but doesn't want to offer mass for the first year because he doesn't feel ready.  We would easily say in those instances, "They aren't ready to be a teacher or he is not ready to be a priest."  The same applies in regard to marriage.  You must begin the married vocation once you are married.   

Have we lost the meaning of marriage?  Have we forgotten the two-fold meaning of the marital embrace.  It is to be UNITIVE and PROCREATIVE and the two are inseparable acts (as stated in the document Humane Vitae).  You cannot separate them.  The DATING/COURTING process is the time we are supposed to use to get to know the other person.  NOTHING helps you get to know the other person better than the gift of a child.  Have we slipped into the world's translation of marriage? 

Most couples are married young often when the husband is still finishing up school or just beginning is career.  We were married before John even began Optometry school.  During our first five years, we lived off student loans.  When you are just starting out, you usually don't have all the possessions your parents have collected over 25 years.  That is the way the Good Lord intended.  It is good to grow into life, but not at the expense of LIFE. 

John's grandfather told him before we were married the following, "Have a baby right away.  It will make a man out of you."  We will tell our children the same thing.  Unless you are ready to have children, you are not ready to be married.  It certainly doesn't mean God will give you children right away and even if you conceive on your wedding night, God designed the gestation period of nine months for a reason.  My sister has been married for seven years and God has not blessed them yet.  I have many friends who went through great periods of infertility.  

We are asked THREE questions on our wedding day.  Three.  That is it. The third one states:

"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"  What does that mean? 

4.  Was this baby a surprise or was it planned or the adverse "We were surprised because it wasn't planned?

 We always respond to this as "My yes, planned by God."   If you look at a basic timeline of historical events and to see all the hundreds of thousands of people who played pivotal roles big and small, it really is funny that we think we plan our existence and our families.  You can plan all you want, but God is the determiner.  If you are up for an even greater time, look at a detailed timeline of history.  You will really see that each person is so specifically chosen for that given period if not MOMENT in that certain point in time to affect TIME for all of history.  My uncle is an ER doctor.  He works with a man named Ron Pickett.  Ron is this huge black man.  He was a pool shark living in the hood.  One evening a famous jazz musician, Miles Davis, came to play at the bar.  He was accompanied by his beautiful daughter.  Ron immediately fell in love with her.  She wanted nothing of Ron because "he had made nothing of his life and was just a pool shark."  THAT WAS HIS DEFINING MOMENT.  That one incident sparked him to make something of his life.  He is now an ER doctor and a Christian man.  ONE PERSON placed in his life ONE NIGHT changed his life.  Don't you get it?  

I know these issues are sticky.  I can already feel the darts coming my way.  I do say these words out of love.  Most times, it is hard to say the hard thing.  Being abreast with politics due to John's deep passions, the war against life is epic and it is happening NOW.  The time is NOW for a complete reversal and a coming forward of soldiers for Christ who will fight for Him at their own mortal expense in the hopes of gaining a grand eternal reward.   

Baby Mine

Vianney loves music more than any of our other children.  She is constantly asking me to play songs.  It doesn't matter what the song, she just loves to dance and sing.  I was working with the older kids at the table  and kept hearing this song on repeat.  I popped my head around the corner to find her dancing in another world.  She was swaying back and forth with her baby.  What was so precious to me was how she held up the baby's hand while dancing.  Very appropriate.  Even after I pulled out the video camera, she remained in her little dancing world.  I must have been overly emotional as it made me cry.  The older kids asked, "Are you crying?"  I guess I just pictured this forever being one of the moments I wouldn't forget about her while these days we have together seem to be sprinting by.

Of course, someone else joined in.

Johnny runs again

John ran the half-marathon this past Sunday. He usually runs it every year and we always enjoy going to watch him and all our other friends who run. I don't know why I always get so choked up at watching people run these races, but it proves inspiring every year. We hit John at three different places to cheer him on and give him coconut water to rehydrate. He had taken 10 weeks off due to a stress fracture. He did great with a time of 1:35 especially since he had been injured. Next year, I told him we should shoot to be under 1:30.

Our amazing Bishop ran the full marathon. He began a campaign "Run for Vocations." He is such an outstanding leader. He celebrated mass the night before for all the runners and their families.  He is pictured front left in front of John.  After John finished, he went out to run three miles with the Bishop.  Such a treat.

The night before we went to a Carb fest with several of our friends.  We delighted at the fact that there were about 100 kids running around between a handful of couples.  Such a celebration of LIFE in so many aspects.

How did you sleep?

I was napping one day and left the older five up with specific instructions on what to finish up, jobs to do, books to read, and a movie if everything was completed. Recently, the girls have delighted in picking up the whole house along with their token tea party set-up every afternoon. I came out to this waiting for me at the end of the hall. They were hiding behind the couch hoping to surprise me. I really do cherish these days and all their little habits.

Matchy Matchy

Her taste in clothing is very stylistic. So when she came out in a matching shirt like mine, we had to take a picture together. I finally captured her Chinese Cheese Ball Smile. We love this because you can't see the whites of her eyes and her teeth are in full view complete with gap. As each day goes by, she has been sitting on her sibling more and more. Friends from the beginning.

A close up...it is kind of scary all at the same time. We love it.

Zellie at 5 years old

Earlier today, I had something on my mind I wanted to write about you, but as of right now I cannot remember what it was.  So for now, I just want to write how sweet you are at this age.  I can tell you are watching everything around you.  You are doing so well in school and are such an eager little learner.  I call you the Geography Whiz and your skills in remembering world geography is quite remarkable.  I can tell it makes you proud when I act shocked each day how fast you ramble of the countries, continents, oceans, and other landmarks.  Today, you attempted for about 30 minutes to teach Vianney and Clairvaux how to play the piano.  I heard my voice and your piano teacher's voice during the lesson.  You still love lip gloss like no tomorrow and out of all my girls you are the one most attentive to your appearance usually being the first in the shower in the morning.

You are quite social and are always the most sought after child by our house guests.  When we traveled to Kentucky, all the older "little" girls enjoyed pretending you were their little sister.  They carried you around and just doted upon you.  You gloated in your fame.  I enjoyed the time I had with you as the youngest child on our trip.  We sat next to each other on the plane and I let you take pictures with the camera.  

Your nicknames right now are Zip, Zipper, Big Z, Zippity-do-Dah, Zip-Zip-Zippy, and Beans to name a few.

Vianney's version of a bad hair day

I adore her hair especially right after a bath.  She smells like Biolage Shampoo and all her ringlet curls hang perfectly around her face.  I am a neurotic morning bather of the children, but due to unusual circumstances the little three did not get a morning bath and some of them showed it, but not Vianney. Even in unkept mode, she still looked precious with her white hair falling all over the place.

the Red and White Sisters

Rose's work.

Rose organized a dress alike and called her trend "The Red and White Sisters."  Red for Jesus, White for the Saints, and Blue for the Blessed Mother.  I am a lover of matching so I guess she has inherited the gene.  She worked so hard for about an hour finding each person's different clothing items.