Four things we should NEVER say

One of my friends pointed out that language means nothing anymore.  Words have no weight.  I willingly admit I am over sensitive to the issues of LIFE as to John and I nothing is more important than defending the rights of the unborn.  Daily, my mind drifts to what those poor babies must endure during an abortion and it brings me to my knees.  At least once a day, John and I theorize what will turn this train around.

I know we must start basic.  One of the most basic elements we can begin with is our language.  My father was in real estate.  His boss, Jim Reiter, was an elderly gentlemen filled with wisdom.  My father was a man that if he told you he was going to do something, you had his word.  His word meant everything. Futhermore,  Jim told my father that back in the day a handshake was a contract.  A HANDSHAKE.  How have we slipped?

The first basic item we must get in order is our language of LIFE.   I can honestly say that in my eleven years of mothering I have NEVER encountered a single instance of criticism when I am out with my children.  I am very aware of the short amount of time we have together and I take our time together very seriously.  I have the temperament that truly desires to experience life to its greatest end all under the umbrella of truth and beauty.  With that being said, I am never offended by any comment because our children mean so much more to us than any comment could ever come our way.  I am blessed because of their presence and so proud of each of them and the person they are that if a small meager remark comes our way, I often think in my head "You have no idea and if you had the time, I could verbally dictate a novel to you about the beauty of each child and all the wonder they bring to us."

There are four phrases that need to be ERASED from our mouths in order for our culture to move forward.

1.  WE ARE DONE.

No married person should ever, ever say these words.  How do you know you are done? God is the giver of life.  He lets us participate, but ultimately He gives life.   Webster dictionary gives the following for the definition of life:  "the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body."  If we are not people of LIFE, we are people of DEATH.  I often want to ask, "DONE?  Has it really been that bad?  You can look into the eyes of your child and say NO MORE.  I am done with that."

2.  We want three kids (or however many you have predetermined.)

Once again, how can we put limits on His love?  Do we ever set limits on anything else God so chooses to bless us with?  For example, I have never heard anybody say, "I only want to make $100,000 and after that I refuse to make or take anymore."  or "I only want to win the lottery once and if I ever won again, I wouldn't accept it."  Has the understanding of the value of each person been so numbed down that we just see number not the person?  What if you can't have those three children?  What if one of those predetermined children dies?  We must remark, "I want what God wants of me."  

3.  We are waiting.

I know I am going to get it for this one.  A couple summers ago, we attended a most beautiful wedding of a beautiful couple.  They had prayerfully discerned their vocation and wanted desperately to give their lives to God.  When the proposal came, they prayed  a rosary.  God was so intertwined in their lives.  We were sitting at the reception and one of our children made a comment about their future children.  A friend was sitting at our table and said, "Oh, that won't happen for a couple years.  They are waiting.  They don't have much money and just want to be a couple for a while."  WHAT??????????  I felt the air get sucked out of my beautiful bubble.  We were at this beautiful wedding of a beautiful couple who wanted to GIVE CHRIST THEIR all except...a child.  The WHOLE point of the married vocation.  I make the relation on a teacher being hired, but doesn't want to teach the first year (even though she is hired).  I make the relation to a priest being ordained, but doesn't want to offer mass for the first year because he doesn't feel ready.  We would easily say in those instances, "They aren't ready to be a teacher or he is not ready to be a priest."  The same applies in regard to marriage.  You must begin the married vocation once you are married.   

Have we lost the meaning of marriage?  Have we forgotten the two-fold meaning of the marital embrace.  It is to be UNITIVE and PROCREATIVE and the two are inseparable acts (as stated in the document Humane Vitae).  You cannot separate them.  The DATING/COURTING process is the time we are supposed to use to get to know the other person.  NOTHING helps you get to know the other person better than the gift of a child.  Have we slipped into the world's translation of marriage? 

Most couples are married young often when the husband is still finishing up school or just beginning is career.  We were married before John even began Optometry school.  During our first five years, we lived off student loans.  When you are just starting out, you usually don't have all the possessions your parents have collected over 25 years.  That is the way the Good Lord intended.  It is good to grow into life, but not at the expense of LIFE. 

John's grandfather told him before we were married the following, "Have a baby right away.  It will make a man out of you."  We will tell our children the same thing.  Unless you are ready to have children, you are not ready to be married.  It certainly doesn't mean God will give you children right away and even if you conceive on your wedding night, God designed the gestation period of nine months for a reason.  My sister has been married for seven years and God has not blessed them yet.  I have many friends who went through great periods of infertility.  

We are asked THREE questions on our wedding day.  Three.  That is it. The third one states:

"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"  What does that mean? 

4.  Was this baby a surprise or was it planned or the adverse "We were surprised because it wasn't planned?

 We always respond to this as "My yes, planned by God."   If you look at a basic timeline of historical events and to see all the hundreds of thousands of people who played pivotal roles big and small, it really is funny that we think we plan our existence and our families.  You can plan all you want, but God is the determiner.  If you are up for an even greater time, look at a detailed timeline of history.  You will really see that each person is so specifically chosen for that given period if not MOMENT in that certain point in time to affect TIME for all of history.  My uncle is an ER doctor.  He works with a man named Ron Pickett.  Ron is this huge black man.  He was a pool shark living in the hood.  One evening a famous jazz musician, Miles Davis, came to play at the bar.  He was accompanied by his beautiful daughter.  Ron immediately fell in love with her.  She wanted nothing of Ron because "he had made nothing of his life and was just a pool shark."  THAT WAS HIS DEFINING MOMENT.  That one incident sparked him to make something of his life.  He is now an ER doctor and a Christian man.  ONE PERSON placed in his life ONE NIGHT changed his life.  Don't you get it?  

I know these issues are sticky.  I can already feel the darts coming my way.  I do say these words out of love.  Most times, it is hard to say the hard thing.  Being abreast with politics due to John's deep passions, the war against life is epic and it is happening NOW.  The time is NOW for a complete reversal and a coming forward of soldiers for Christ who will fight for Him at their own mortal expense in the hopes of gaining a grand eternal reward.