Thank you for your kind comments and prayers for my wonderful mother. I wrote to someone that I can't help but want God to show off. PLEASE. I know He does everyday and reveals His goodness everywhere. I do. I met with my spiritual adviser before Lourdes was born and was telling him how John and I accept the task God has given to us, but humanly speaking I couldn't help but ask for a miracle at each ultrasound. I would do fine until the day of each appointment and would ask God for a miracle that her omphalocele was gone. I was hoping for a miracle. Mostly, it wasn't the omphalocele I was afraid of. I didn't want to watch her suffer. I didn't want her to go through surgery. I didn't want to be away from our other children. I DIDN'T want to SUFFER in that way. I wanted to custom design my sufferings. Please do not involve those whom I love most and are dearest to my heart.
Monsignor told me to really ask myself why I was asking for a miracle and why do we ask for miracles. Hmm? He explained that God uses miracles for a variety of reasons. He went through several biblical stories where God would bless certain people and then they would go through a trial and cry out, "God, where are you?" He delivered the Israelites from slavery, but when they walked in the desert for years they cried out again "God, where are you?" Often, a miracle is performed to bring those whom have drifted away back closer to Him and prove his existence in a stronger way. He asked me if I could honestly look at my life and say "There is NO God."
Nope. I can not say that. I have looked at God in the face 9 times. I see HIM in their faces everyday. I see Him in my suffering mother who is offering HER life so that others may walk closer to God. I see HIM in so many of my wonderful friends. I see HIM everywhere. So, do I need a miracle to show me God exists?
He encouraged me to go to each appointment with the resolve that everything will be the same as it was at the last appointment. He wasn't saying it in a hopeless way. He was encouraging me to be at PEACE and KNOW that HE IS GOD and He is taking care of everything. I do not need a miracle to know that.
I want to remember this gem throughout my life. I pass this along because it helped me so.
Ask yourself, "Can I honestly look at my life and blessings and say 'There is NO God!' and 'Do I really need this miracle right now to prove God's goodness?''
With that, I have to say "Help me accept this cross. Help me. Walk with me. I know you will work out everything for goodness because YOU ARE ONLY goodness and love."