Friday, November 20, 2009

How can I tell you?

When I found out we were expecting our second child, John was in optometry school in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. We found out on the feast of St. Maximillian Kolbe. I had wanted another baby the minute I layed eyes on Dominic. I was so overwhelmed with love that I couldn't wait to have another baby. I felt that it would be to good to be true to experience such wonderfulness again. So when I looked over and saw the double lines, I couldn't believe it. A whole new person! Who will the baby look like? Will the baby be a boy or a girl? We announced to John's class that night that we were expecting! Everyone was giddy! One guy came up to us and said, "Congrats, but you want like 17 kids so what's the big deal."
How can I tell you that I've never had this one. This one is special to me, to John, to God. This one has a soul, a brain, a purpose. Why do numbers matter? I could only hope to look into the eyes of my 17th child and tell him or her how wanted they were, how there are 16 other people at home yearning to hold you and love you. How you will be the child of my old age.
We found out last Thursday that we are expecting another baby. John told me that from now on he is telling people we have six children. We do. All life is sacred especially in the womb. I told my mother how I feel more giddy than ever. Every time I find out we are expecting, I always say to myself, "I can't believe we get another baby."
Our fertility is a gift. We vowed before we were married that we would never take it for granted. I cannot wait to meet this little one and kiss the neck. I love the neck.


  1. I love the cheeks! :-) Congrats again. It is so easy to take fertility for granted...and this is coming from someone who thought I would get pregnant on our honeymoon! Ha! Even now as my pregnancies are hard, I make myself meditate on the first 5 years of our marriage and remember how I thought I would never get to have children. Truly a blessing. I can't wait to see your little one and I can't wait to see what Raphael will look like!!! Ahhhhh :-D

  2. I know I am so going to look forward to your blog. I have already teared up twice...and this is only the second entry I have read so far...geesh.

  3. So Beautiful! Lindsay, truely beautiful. Thank you!!

  4. Oh, Lindsay, I was just thinking the same thing the other day. Watching a mom with her seventh baby, it seemed exciting to me but I saw her face and I thought, "it never gets old."

    We were hoping for a new baby this time around and are so grateful that God has granted this wish.

    Waiting for this baby is like being parched with thirst when you're a mile from home on foot without water. It doesn't matter that she's our fifth child, that this is our fifth time to the hospital, my fifth time nursing. I can't wait to see her in the delivery room, to squeeze her little arms, to kiss her warm, soft little cheeks, to find out how much hair she's grown, and to see who she looks like. Holding her will be like taking a drink of cold water after a very long hike. I can't wait!