Once I was in Wal-mart with my mom and we were in the check out line. Right in front of us in the returns department is a woman with a man in a wheel chair. The wheel chair was the type that reclined back far and I could tell the person was on a ventilator and truly looked like they were hooked up to play the Wii. When the woman turned him around, my breath was taken away. Before us was the torso of man, minus arms and had two tiny legs coming from his body. His face was so deformed that truly he didn't look human. He didn't have ears, hair, his mouth was deformed and his eye sockets weren't formed. I can honestly say he didn't look human. Immediately, my mom started crying. She quickly paid for a bouquet of flowers and walked over to the woman and handed them to her. My mom said, "Thank you. Thank you for all you do. Thank you for caring for him so beautifully." The woman told us she was his caregiver and he was a ward of the state since infancy because he was born this way. His parents didn't want him because of his deformity.
The other day I was at the mall and I thought of this man and then I thought of all the people I know who are beautiful, athletic, smart, funny...life seemed funny. I called my mom and asked, "I wonder why God distributes everything the way he does?" Why are some women so breathtakingly beautiful, some women so deformed, and some who like a girl I went to college with whom was perfectly normal intellectually, but was born with a HUGE purple birthmark on her entire face?
What led to this post was potty training. All of my kids have been a breeze. What is my secret? What is the secret formula nobody else knows about? Why have they all trained in a matter of days and some people struggle for a year? So far, potty training is not a big deal for our home. Nothing.
It is a struggle God chose not to give to me. I believe it is pure and simply that. I am trying in my spiritual life to realize that everything is a grace. Everything. Everything is a grace be it physical looks, personality, potty training, teenagers, marriage, children, discipline, sleeping, nursing, labor and delivery, jobs, vocation, academics, athletics. Whatever God chooses to give or not give me is best for my soul.
We spent 3 1/2 hours in the Emergency Room with Vianney last night. She has pneumonia. While we were driving there running red lights because she is gasping for air, I am begging God to help her and begging John to drive faster. My mind was filled with the "little" whys. Why does she always have a cold? Why do all my kids struggle with respiratory illnesses? Is it the food? Why can't I feed them better? Is it allergies? After everything calms down, I am holding her little body burning with a fever and I see things a little clearer. This is one of the crosses He chose for me. I won't struggle in potty training, but I will struggle with this.
You see the "unbalanced" life everywhere. Why are some people never sick with pregnancy, but some have to be on bed rest most of the pregnancy? Why do some women have children so easily, but others have miscarriage after miscarriage?
Everything is a grace. Everything is the direct effect of our Father's love. Difficulties, contradictions, humiliations, all the souls' burdens, her needs. Everything...because through them we learn humility, realize our weakness. Whatever be the character of life of the unexpected events to the heart that loves all is well.
I don't love enough. I don't trust enough. I want to believe that whatever God sends me if it is blessing or suffering, It is by His grace. During the height of the priest scandals, John and I heard Msgr. Hain speak. He was talking about his immediate reaction to his brother priests for doing such things. He was angry at them and then he said he realized, "By the grace of God, go I."
By the grace of God, go I.