How do I feel about being pregnant? Well, if you know me, you can answer that question, but if you don't and if you are my children reading this in 40 years let me tell you.
To me, I could shout from the roof tops with JOY. I could tell strangers in the supermarket "We just found out we are expecting a baby!" (I have).
"Is this your first?", they might ask. NO, it is my seventh and we are so very grateful. And we are.
"Was this baby planned?" My YES!, by God.
Our fertility is something that we will never, ever take for granted nor the gift of each child to our family. It is something that is quite puzzling to me in speaking with so many women. I think most assume fertility will and ALWAYS will come easily to them. We need to realize it is our greatest gift as a woman. God did not give that gift to men. Only to women. AND it is not a given.
Oh, but you already have six, you must be use to this.
To which I reply, "I have never had THIS baby before and I can't wait to see who God decided to give us this time."
A whole new face, a whole new soul, a whole new personality. A whole person that God willing will join us for all eternity in heaven.
You see, children are the ONLY gift we can give GOD that He doesn't have. Let me say that again, God does not need anything because He has everything and is everything, BUT He did not have THIS child, this soul. He gave John and I the free will to say "YES, we are open to LIFE." Slowly think about the concept. What a daunting privilege!
We will give you the greatest gift as a small token of our LOVE for you. It is the greatest gift because it is the only thing on this earth that is eternal. We can do great acts of love in other forms, but a SOUL and the workings of it is the greatest act of love because it brings the human nature to its greatest extreme and greatest potential-continual self-denial and death of SELF.
We must use our fertility wisely and see it as a gift. A gift to God. It is a gift in marriage, but ultimately it is our gift to God. Plain and simple. I asked John's wise mother once a child-rearing question and she replied, "We must realize we have very little control, very little control."
If I trust God on the opposite end of the life spectrum (death), I must trust him at the beginning of the life spectrum (conception). As we cannot plan our deaths, Can we plan our beginnings? If a parent loses a child in an accident, it is debilitating. The loss is tragic. We must see the seriousness on the other end of the spectrum on the begetting of life. We are NOT in control. God is in control. To John and I, THIS is left up to the good God who sees all in our lives and knows what we need and what we don't need.
Our child "planning" motto can be found in the gospel of Luke "'Behold the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done unto me according to thy word.' And with that the Angel left her" (Lk. 1:36-38). ...
At our wedding, we were asked the following question to which we responded "YES."
"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"
"Yes Lord, we will accept children lovingly from You."
So to you my dear little one as your mother, I couldn't have been more excited to find out you were on your way. I know that a time will come that I will never be pregnant again, so for this season of my life, I strongly embrace it with both arms. I could only beg God to let me see your face and know who you are. I have said this before, but the moment I see those two pink lines, a small part of me has already changed. I know that at this moment, only God and I know of your existence.
It is as if He hugged me and said, "Thank You!" Thank you for this gift that I didn't have.