Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Our newest gift

How do I feel about being pregnant? Well, if you know me, you can answer that question, but if you don't and if you are my children reading this in 40 years let me tell you.

To me, I could shout from the roof tops with JOY. I could tell strangers in the supermarket "We just found out we are expecting a baby!" (I have).
"Is this your first?", they might ask. NO, it is my seventh and we are so very grateful. And we are.

"Was this baby planned?" My YES!, by God.

Our fertility is something that we will never, ever take for granted nor the gift of each child to our family. It is something that is quite puzzling to me in speaking with so many women. I think most assume fertility will and ALWAYS will come easily to them. We need to realize it is our greatest gift as a woman. God did not give that gift to men. Only to women. AND it is not a given.

Oh, but you already have six, you must be use to this.

To which I reply, "I have never had THIS baby before and I can't wait to see who God decided to give us this time."

A whole new face, a whole new soul, a whole new personality. A whole person that God willing will join us for all eternity in heaven.

You see, children are the ONLY gift we can give GOD that He doesn't have. Let me say that again, God does not need anything because He has everything and is everything, BUT He did not have THIS child, this soul. He gave John and I the free will to say "YES, we are open to LIFE." Slowly think about the concept. What a daunting privilege!
We will give you the greatest gift as a small token of our LOVE for you. It is the greatest gift because it is the only thing on this earth that is eternal. We can do great acts of love in other forms, but a SOUL and the workings of it is the greatest act of love because it brings the human nature to its greatest extreme and greatest potential-continual self-denial and death of SELF.

We must use our fertility wisely and see it as a gift. A gift to God. It is a gift in marriage, but ultimately it is our gift to God. Plain and simple. I asked John's wise mother once a child-rearing question and she replied, "We must realize we have very little control, very little control."

If I trust God on the opposite end of the life spectrum (death), I must trust him at the beginning of the life spectrum (conception). As we cannot plan our deaths, Can we plan our beginnings? If a parent loses a child in an accident, it is debilitating. The loss is tragic. We must see the seriousness on the other end of the spectrum on the begetting of life. We are NOT in control. God is in control. To John and I, THIS is left up to the good God who sees all in our lives and knows what we need and what we don't need.

Our child "planning" motto can be found in the gospel of Luke "'Behold the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done unto me according to thy word.' And with that the Angel left her" (Lk. 1:36-38). ...

At our wedding, we were asked the following question to which we responded "YES."

"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

"Yes Lord, we will accept children lovingly from You."

So to you my dear little one as your mother, I couldn't have been more excited to find out you were on your way. I know that a time will come that I will never be pregnant again, so for this season of my life, I strongly embrace it with both arms. I could only beg God to let me see your face and know who you are. I have said this before, but the moment I see those two pink lines, a small part of me has already changed. I know that at this moment, only God and I know of your existence.

It is as if He hugged me and said, "Thank You!" Thank you for this gift that I didn't have.


  1. When I was pregnant with my second child I was diagnosed and treated for ovarian cancer. Thankfully they only had to remove the one ovary with the tumor. I wanted to preserve the remaining healthy one. My oncologist thought I was a bit foolish, but I really wanted to have more children. It was a gift to almost lose my fertility because now I never take it for granted. I admit that I am sometimes overwhelmed with getting pregnant so quickly, but it always works out to God's glory and by His grace. And every time I get to tell people how I have had two more children in three years with only one ovary I get to share about God's goodness. I am so very thankful.

  2. Amazing post, brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  3. Absolutely beautiful and a needed reminder. God bless you and your new little one.

  4. The way that you write about your children brought me to your blog.
    We recently found out we are pregnant with our second and are thrilled.
    I find your blog so inspirational.
    Congratulations on #7!

  5. Love this: "I know at this moment, only God and I know of your existence.". What an incredible thought.

  6. Congratulations, Lindsay! We're so happy for all your family to welcome a new sweet babe. What a gift!

  7. Lindsay,
    Congratulations to you and John, and your whole family. I, too, await the new little one God has given you. Your blog post couldn't have been more timely. Thank you.
    Erin Hammond

  8. So very beautiful. Thank you for being open to all the new life that comes your way. My mom had much the same attitude, and I am blessed to be the oldest of eight children.

    My husband and I a going on year three of the struggle with infertility, and try to embrace whatever He sends, many children, or not many...which is so hard sometimes.

  9. So perfectly and beautifully said! Ange told me about your blog and said that I remind her of you. What a beautiful witness you are! Congrats on your newest blessing!

  10. I've read your blog for awhile now (found it when you once posted on Elisabeth & Joshua's facebook) but this post is too beautiful to just read and keep to myself. It definitely brought tears to my eyes! I have been married for 4 years and have 2 little ones, and really admire your godly outlook on motherhood. Your children will absolutely cherish these posts in the future, and I -along with many other Mamas- appreciate your wisdom now. I wish I knew you in real life! Blessings to you and your beautiful family, Charlene in TX

  11. I have been asked with each of mine if they are planned, and I gave the same answer you did...YES!! But not by us, but GOD...PSALM 139:16 says it all!! I used birth control shortly after our first's birth up until he was two...we did not have another child until he was almost 6...we are now expecting our third in 4 years...I know what it is like to not be fertile...I thought I would get pregnant as soon as my husband and I were back together (he was at school for the military, we were near family), but it did not happen...our middle two were surprises...the current one, due any day now wasn't a total surprise, only because he was coming home to visit during a deployment at the right time, but I knew from our past that that did not mean anything...I was so happy when I got two pink lines, even though at the time it meant he would get home just before the baby was due...he was brought home 6 months early but we did not know that at the time...and we love and embrace this child just as much as our first three...I wish I had one or two between the 1 and 2, but I know that in the end that was not in God's will, so I just move forward and embrace all the children he does have planned for us...

  12. Came and reread this one as well to help me have the confidence that I am not a crazy person for having more children. Thanks for keeping it simple! If you ever doubt how much God works through you... TRUST me when I say HE made you to keep me from going crazy! :-)