I feel most vulnerable when I have a newborn. I love this new child so intensely that my logic and reason is questionable. When Clairvaux was ten days old, she ran a fever of 104 degrees. We took her to the ER in which they did a spinal tap and all the good things that come with having a newborn with a fever. I am a wounded duck from that experience. I remembered her tiny newborn body curled up on the bed while the doctor's prepared to take a sample of her spinal fluid.