I need to record my gifts for the day as often God only allows gifts or we should say graces for that moment or that day. I still love my birthday like a child. I walked over to mass alone and moments later John slid in next to me. You see, my good friend buried her four-month-old baby today. So, my thoughts were mostly on her and the heartache that I could only beg God to be spared of. I begged God to rest her heart and fill it with supernatural peace.
The gift I received most today was AWARENESS. For some reason as I picked up Damaris this morning, I was keenly aware of her little hand resting on my neck as I carried her down the hall to begin our morning. I was aware that I have always taken this for granted that I will always walk into her room to find her waiting in the corner of her bed for me, smiling. I always lean down to talk right into her face and then pick her up. I carry her out with one arm and she wraps hers around my neck. For some reason today, I felt the presence of her hand. I realized that these days are numbered and very shortly she won't be waiting for me anymore to be carried out. I was grateful for that.
Vianney spent a good portion of time writing me a note that said, "ILOVEMOM. LOVEVIANNEY." I was aware how darling her awkward marker grip was and how much she wanted to write me a note. I sat and watched. She was so confused how the letter "V" and "U" could be so similar.
Dominic made cinnamon rolls during nap time. We've had our windows open because the weather has been lovely, but the afternoons prove a little warm. I walked out to him mixing dough, smiling with his glasses slouching down his face from sweating. The glasses thing gets me because I have movie memories of parents flashing back to their children's childhoods and they all involve glasses and innocent smiles. That was him today.
Lillie searched though her coloring book and found a page that said, "Best Friends." She was so pleased that she found a message corresponding to the thoughts bursting from her heart. "MOM, I can't believe I found a page that said best friends. We are best friends."
Rose and Zellie were waiting for me when I came back from mass to jump out and yell "Happy Birthday." If you think about, how many times will your children do that for you in your lifetime?
Clairvaux probably wished me the most birthday wishes. She told me every time she passed me throughout the day.
John called several times to which I teased him about being on the party planning committee (from The Office) and if all the plans were going according to schedule. He would hush fake crowds in the background or pretend to talk to jewelry salesmen.
The kids all asked if I had a great birthday to which I replied I couldn't have had a better day. I have every thing I need. I need nothing more. I told them I have each of them, Papa, my faith, and a wonderful family. God has been overly generous to me in my lifetime and for that I am so grateful.
The goal for my thirty-sixth year of life is to not wish for anything materially. I really do have all that I have and need nothing more. I hope to not mention anything to John about a new home, new car, new this, new that, but simply allow God to provide when HE sees fit not I. I fear that I've spent to much time pawning after objects under the guise of making a home that I've missed the bigger picture.
I could say this was my best birthday. For me, awareness and the desire to change is one of the greatest gifts God can bestow upon man.