Lillie and Kapaun

My favorite childhood memories hands down were when my parents had a new baby. I was so overcome with happiness that I could not contain myself. With one of my siblings, I went down the phone book and called people to let them know my mother was going to have another baby. I remember I called Mr. Eilert, an elderly farmer that I didn't know that well, but I sure thought he would want to know this FANTASTIC news. I really thought the world stopped those days!  My mom was always so excited to tell me because of my reaction.  I haven't changed much.  Each time we find out we are expecting, I want to call myself to tell myself!  Isn't that fun!

With that said, I was SO enamored by the babies when my mom came home that I almost lost my mind.  I wanted so much to hold the baby, talk my poor mother's ear off, sleep with the baby, take the  baby to school, and show everybody that I am sure I was a bit of challenge to deal with because I was TOO excited.  One night after my mother had just come home from the hospital, I remember just breaking into tears because of all my emotions.  I told my mom to take that baby back.  Of course, I didn't mean it, but I was so overcome with happiness that I didn't know what to do.  I wanted my mom to be normal.  I wanted the baby to be mine and none of that was happening.  Funny now that I am the mother.  I understand Lillie.

Many have asked me how Damaris is doing with Kapaun.  She has been pretty unaware for the most part.  She was already in toddler mode before he came so not much has changed.   Thanks be to God.  What I wasn't prepared for was Lillie!  She probably has had the hardest time and reflecting back upon my young self, I finally realized what was going on.  She LOVES him.  She LOVES me.  She craves order and routine more than any of our other children and right now our home is not much of a reflection of the order and routine she had grown accustomed to. 

I am always hesitant to write personal information about our children because I blog 99% for them.  I blog so that when they get older, they will be able to look back upon their childhood through the lens that I saw them through.  I want them to know how much I loved being their mother and the goodness I saw in them.  I want them to know how much I cherished our days together and noticed their interests.  I don't feel the need to write about the "negative" aspects of children because aren't those a given?  Doesn't everybody know that children throw fits?  Doesn't everybody know that children are often ungrateful and fight?  Heck, adults are ungrateful and fight so I really don't feel the need to share that stuff mostly because isn't it a given?  It's not that I don't want to be real, but won't they realize that stuff on their own.  I don't want to step on their dignity for just being a child so I am careful to protect their dignity as I don't want them to look back at their childhood self and say, "Hey Mom, why did you write that about me?  I was just a child.  I was just learning and growing."

We've been schooling since last August and stopped when Kapaun was born for the semester.  Lillie was my most efficient child at getting her work done.  She would get up, get started, and be done well before anybody else.  She wanted to know her morning job.  Right now, most of that routine is on hold and that has been hard for her.  Her compass is off.  I didn't realize what was going on until last week.  After speaking with John one night, we realized she just needed our love and patience, not our constant correction.  I was starting to get on her about everything and I didn't like myself for it.  

I remembered these words, "Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict.  The understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search for any plan of action."
I started to focus on very simple things with her.  I know this is probably silly, but I once read somewhere how important it is to hug your child for longer than six seconds.  (Don't laugh.)  If I was nursing the baby, they would lean in to hug and kiss me goodnight. I would half hug them as my arms were full with Kapaun.   I realized how I needed to hug them, hold them near me, and tell them something I saw about them that day. 
We both knew we needed to back off the correction especially during this time of adjustment and focus more on her, as a person.  As much as I want to correct her, I am trying to turn it around to asking her a question or telling her something interesting about the baby.  

Lillie has the genetic death grip baby hold.  She gets that from me.  We don't share babies so don't ask to hold ours.

She really is so good with him.  No matter if he is crying or not, she will hold him, talk to him, walk with him, bounce him, and is really good at soothing him.  I don't know how she does it, but I am sure grateful. 

She can even get him to smile which makes her day!