A tribute to my wonderful mother

I originally wrote this to you on your birthday, but saved it to add a few things. I forgot about it, but found it tonight. Anybody who knows me, knows how I love my mother. I refer to her for everything and am so very grateful for this wonderful woman who gave me life.
People ask me how often we talk. Should I say? Hmmm. Well, somedays it is hourly. Next to John, I think "Oh mom will love this." So we call and chat. hang up. Call again. Hang up. Dream of our lives as next door neighbors almost everyday. Hang up. On and on.

The hands of a mother. How many babies she has held? How many hands she has held? How many prayers she has said? How many times she clapped with joy and hoped for goodness for her children? How many meals she has cooked? How many heads she has felt? How many tears has she wiped?




You are a known "baby holder." People will say to me, "Oh, I remember your mother. She just came up to me and took my baby." You do that and I have inherited the gene. We feel more comfortable with a baby in our arms than without. I remember going to a conference with you once. I couldn't find you for a while only to find you out in the hall walking someone's baby so they could attend the conference. You are the baby whisperer.

You will be known for your bread and rolls. You have made bread since we were very little. Every Monday, right? There is nothing like fresh bread out of the oven.







Although, THIS is our #1 favorite hobby together. D & D's. I am sure the people in our little town think we do go for drives A LOT. It is an art and extreme hobby. We first stop by the Banner and order our XL Diet Dr. Pepper. We chat with the lady at the window. They have all gotten to know our names over the years so they always look in the car to see who is home for the weekend. We then drive around town for hours. Yes, hours. We talk, laugh, cry, drive by dad's grave, see all the new sites in town. If anyone complains, you get dropped off at home.
You will even tempt me to come home by saying, "I've got something great to show you on our D & D." You won't tell me in hopes of me coming home to see the big event. Always a great surprise.

We sip. We drive.



God has blessed her and has asked of her many, many sufferings. I sit at my computer now almost without the ability to type the depth of love and admiration I feel for her. Being the oldest daughter, I have watched her efforts, her love, her struggle, her tears, her joy, and her desires. She loves deeply and hopes deeply.
I have always been close to her. She told me that when I was born, she became alive. I love looking at the three pictures of me in the hospital with her. Her face is beautiful and she sat proudly holding me with rather a death grip upon my fresh little body. I was hers and she was mine. The love was instant.
After her third child was born, she became deathly ill for over a year. We lived apart from her because she was in the hospital so much. She received last rites several times because of her pending death. She tells me a story of one night in the hospital and the pain was so excruciating that she buzzed the nurses and was asking for more pain medicine. They told her that she had all she could handle. That night she remembers begging God to live, to see her babies grow. She tells me that night St. Padre Pio came to her and said, "You will live." She has a very strong devotion to him. He is the first saint I remember hearing about as a child.

The next morning the doctors walked in to find her sitting up in bed asking for something to eat. At this point, she weighed only 85 pounds. She says within six weeks she gained 40 pounds. Andrew, the third child in our family, was only a year old and barely knew her. She ached to see him. The doctors told her that she wouldn't be able to have anymore children. Well, seven children later she proved that theory wrong. I grew up hearing her intense excitement with every baby. Every baby to her was another chance, another life, and proof that she was alive. She would say, "I can't believe I GET to have another baby." Every time.

I remember her telling me she was pregnant with all my siblings. They are my #1 childhood memories. Truly. I would cry every time out of excitement. I loved it. Our home felt full and every new baby was so wonderful. I loved helping her. She never wanted me to regret coming from a big family so she never asked me to do much regarding the care of the babies which I think in turn made me LOVE them so much. She would find me with them in my bed at night. When the tenth baby was born, I was a freshman in college. It was so exciting and I felt the whole campus was awaiting the arrival of this child. Sometimes, I think if people only knew. If they only knew how most children are yearning for siblings. I remember one of my friends who was a boy wanted so much to know what it was like going to visit a new baby at the hospital. He asked if he could come with me. His mom told me that he slept on the couch by the phone when my mom was in labor so he wouldn't miss the phone call.

My father was not a Catholic, but was always very supportive of her and was always open to life. He was very PRO-LIFE. My mom had to become the spiritual leader of our home and taught us our faith well. We prayed every morning as a family and every evening. My father never prayed with us, but always sat in the room and heard us. We all prayed every night for his conversion. He died four years ago. Three weeks before he died, he converted to the Catholic faith. My mother prayed a long time. At his funeral, thirteen priests and the Bishop of our diocese offered his funeral mass. UN-BELIEVABLE. He was only a Catholic for three weeks and so many wonderful priests came for him and my mother. She has always had a love of the priesthood. She says everyday, "May God Bless the priesthood."

My mother has taught me everything I know. The most important thing she has taught me is how to sacrifice and love well. She always says, "Love means sacrifice." The amount of sacrifices her body has done over the years brings me to tears. I have so many memories and stories of her that I feel desperate at times to write them down. She loves so deeply and cares so much about the souls' of her children and others. She lives out St. Therese's little way to perfection. I remember watching her taking my little ones for a walk one time and cried at the beauty of her giving spirit. I know she is tired. I know she is battle-weary yet she still gives her whole heart. When I have a baby, she always comes to help, offers to takes our kids for a week while I recover, or will stay to help in our home. She cooks, cleans, brings joy, brings support, will sit and cry with me, will sit and listen over and over and bring hope. She has been there and remembers. She encourages me every baby reaffirming the magnitude of what John and I are doing by bringing more souls into the world. "You are doing God's work, honey. Keep going." I remember crying after Clairvaux in my room and her sitting with me stroking my hand. "You'll be fine, honey. I remember. You are doing great work. I am so proud of you." She has gone with me over to my friend's homes after they have had babies to encourage them. She loves so deeply. She always knows just what to say to help.

God has blessed her with a missionary heart. She is always aware of others especially those hurting. She makes everyone feel welcome. Many times during my childhood, different people from around our town would befriend her and come to our home to talk with her. She would sit and listen for hours not ever getting a word in on the conversation. She loves our friends. She loves other peoples lives and their children. She prays for everybody. One should really see her prayer book. She wants so much for us all to be together in heaven. If she tells you she is praying for you, SHE IS PRAYING FOR YOU. She writes your name down in her journal and will say your name everyday. Her car can usually be found at our church. She is becoming a little church mouse. She calls Jesus her friend and tells me that all is better when she sits and visits with him. She goes several times a day to pray. I hope to be like her.

Her best gift is that she give people HOPE especially in motherhood. She is such an encourager. You can do it even though it is hard...keep going. Don't take the easy rode. Every life is valuable and irreplaceable. When we were growing up, we always took two adults who had Down's Syndrome to mass. She picked them up every week and took them home. She showed them so much love. One of them always wanted a Diet Coke after mass. My mom always stopped and got her one. She took us to confession once a month, to visit people at the nursing homes, and then out to breakfast. She taught us to love those whom people seem to overlook because on the other side we will want "them" as our friends.

She is a fabulous mother-in-law. Really. Ask my brothers and sisters-in-laws. She wants to help when they need it. She only wants our marriages to be strong and happy. She wants us as married couples to be one. She loves her grandchildren and prays everyday for them to get heaven. I love how I can count on her to pray. I will call her with a concern and say "Please pray...I am so worried." To which she always replies, "I am honey. I do everyday. I asked God in a special way to be with you." The best gift she gives. I love how she loves my John. She tells me everyday how grateful she is for him. She calls him my "off button." She loves how he can turn my worries off. My kids cry every time she leaves probably because I do. I miss her every time. Still. I am 33 years old, but still miss her.

Over the years, she has given me so many books and I love to read the inscriptions. I love her words, her handwriting, her love. She loves so deeply. Sometimes, I tell her. "Mom, I see everything. I see all that you do. I will always treasure our time together, our talks, our trips. I remember watching "Anne of Green Gables" with you for the very first time. We were both giddy. I remember when you had just had Kellan and I visited you for the first time in the hospital. You asked me to sit with you and hold her. I remember sitting with you for several hours. You said, "I needed to rest, but I needed to know my baby was being held. Lindsay, you were such a gift to me that day." I felt honored to sit in the room with you. I remember watching you sleep and admiring you so. I was so in love with this new sibling you had just given to me.

She's here. They run out every time to greet her like we've not seen her in years.

They can barely stand it. I always say, "Let her get out of the car."

Thank you for loving my friends. Thank you for taking an interest in the things that are important to me. Thank you for hosting my friends last December to great food, great friendship, and lots of love. We were all so grateful for you. I love you so much and am humbled to call you my mother. You will shine in heaven. Sometimes, I think to myself, "If they only knew..." If they only knew how I know you. Kindred spirits we are...you and me. I love you.

Persistence Pays Off

I love catching these little scenes throughout the day. So sweet. Two children playing together amicably. And then...one spots something the other one wants.

Oh, what are you reading?

Let me borrow that just for a second.

I'll just give her a gentle nudge to be on her merry way.

Great recovery, Clairvaux.

The second wave of attack. I will read that book.

Persistence Pays off for Clairvaux.

Full of Zellie

You ooze with Zellie-ness. Your name fits you perfect.






Oh Zellie! To say your personality is fabulous in quite the understatement. You are fun to know.

I love how you call the refrigerator the fridge-a-gator.

You were concerned after mass on Sunday that we didn't shake (the sign of peace).
"Mom, how come we didn't shake?"
This picture captures all of our pictures of your older siblings. We can usually find your little peepers somewhere trying to be older. This was after their piano recital. I like how you joined in the picture as if you just performed. We couldn't convince you otherwise.

You are my mini-me. You look exactly like I did as a wee one.

This is a daily event also.

I still can't get over you and Sylvia. I can tell she enjoys you too. I always listen for you to run up to the door to hear the whole "Hola Zellie" ordeal. She smiles extra big at you. You are just another great reason to wake up in the morning.

Parenting-Reaching Deep into Their heart

I came across the following letter this evening. It left me wanting only further to know the hearts of our children. We desire for them to know how much God loves them and we love them. It is worth reading and I would love to hear your comments.

Saddest Letter I’ve Ever Read
By caryschmidt | February 22, 2011

Parents and Pastors—Please Read!!

I received this letter from a young lady last week—a Bible college student who grew up in a Christian home and Christian school. I believe it’s the saddest letter I’ve ever read and right on the mark for so detailing the experiences of so many young Christians. I asked her permission to post it. Please read. Her words will greatly challenge you as a parent or pastor:

Dear Pastor Schmidt,

A few years ago, I read your books Hook, Line, and Sinker, Discover Your Destiny, and Life Quest. I found them to be extremely encouraging and instructive. These books showed me that not only do you have a real heart for young people, but you also understand us well. I am writing to ask you to consider writing a book to our parents and youth workers. Let me explain.

I am a junior at a well-known Christian college. I grew up in highly respected “fundamental independent Baptist” churches, and went to excellent Christian schools. My father has been a Christian worker since before I was born. One would think that my testimony would go something like this:

“I was saved when I was about 5 and I had dedicated my life to God and I have been growing a lot and serving Him and now I’m studying to serve Him full time.” But that isn’t my story. Actually, though I did make a profession of faith when I was very young, I didn’t get saved until I was 17. Since I was 12 and now on into college I have struggled with “serious” issues. And I found out when I went to college that I am not the only “good kid” who is or has struggled with or is still struggling with serious stuff. We struggle with issues like eating disorders, depression and suicide, cutting, pornography, gender identity, homosexuality, drugs, drinking, immorality, and the list could go on. We listen to “wild” music, we idolize pop culture’s heroes, we watch dirty sitcoms. We have no discrimination in our entertainment, dress, or any aspect of our lifestyle. Obviously, I’m generalizing our problems—you would not find that every Christian young person from a conservative background struggles with all of these issues, and praise God, some of us do not struggle with any of these issues.

My point is that the problems that are supposed to be bad kid’s problems belong to us too. Unfortunately, our parents and youth workers don’t know that we struggle with these things and they don’t know what to do with us when they find out. Quite frankly, I believe that if you grabbed the average Christian school teacher or youth worker and asked them, “What would you do if you found out that one of the kids you work with was a homosexual?” they wouldn’t know what to say.

My point is not simply that they don’t know what we struggle with or how to deal with it. I think there is a pretty simple reason why “good” kids struggle with such serious stuff. And that there is a solution. At the risk of being blunt, I’m going to be blunt.

Our parents did not spend time teaching us to love God. Our parents put us in Sunday Schools since K4. Our parents took us to church every time the doors opened, and sent us to every youth activity. They made sure we went to good Christian colleges. They had us sing in the choir, help in the nursery, be ushers, go soulwinning. We did teen devotionals, and prayed over every meal. We did everything right. And they made sure that we did.

But they forgot about our hearts. They forgot that the Bible never commanded the church to teach children about God and His ways. That responsibility was laid at the feet of our fathers. Unfortunately, our fathers don’t have time for us. They put us where we are surrounded by the Bible. But they didn’t take time to show us that God was important enough to them to tell us personally about Him. So to us, Christianity has become a religion of externals. Do all the right stuff, and you’re a good Christian. So, some of us walk away from church. Some of us stay in church and fill a pew. Many of us struggle with stuff that our parents have no idea about because they hardly know us.

I think these problems stem from first, our detachment from our parents, and second from our misunderstandings about the essence of Christianity—a relationship, not a list of rules. I worry that many young people like me are not even saved because of their misunderstandings about Christianity.

I know that this has not been a well articulated treatise, but it comes from my heart. If you are able to help us and our families, we would be so grateful. I realize that probably, there is no way to fix the fact that kids my age are detached from our parents or to straighten out the crazy stuff that we struggle with. The alienation is fixed, the scars are permanent. I know our situation is not hopeless. God is at work in my life and my generation, among those of us who have struggled and are struggling. But maybe our younger siblings can have some help that we never had. Maybe you can write a book for our parents that will grab their attention and help them see that this is serious—that their kids need them, desperately.

I guess I’ve run out of things to say. I must say I’m a little hesitant to share my name with you because that attaches me with my parents, who are, by the way, good people. Thanks for everything you have already done to help Christian teens and their families. I’m eager to see what else God will do through you.

Sincerely,

(Name Removed to Protect Anonymity)

h/t to Cary Schmidt

Yarning and Felting

Here is the link below for you to get instructions and inspiration:
Felt flower tutorial

Felt has taken over our house. A couple of my friends introduced me to felt flower making and now we have all gone bananas. It is easy, fun, and addicting. I have really enjoyed the headbands which has now inspired me to make all sorts of different styles with feathers, pearls, and diamonds.
This wreath isn't finished in the picture, but you get the point.

Youtube has several tutorials for great headband ideas. You can't see in this picture, but I hot glued a pearl at the base of this one. Pretty.

The Black Out- A Lenten Proposal

I've been mulling over for sometime now what I want to do for lent. I LOVE lent. I NEED lent. Every year, I always have such grand plans to cleanse my soul and rid my inner being once and for all of something I am struggling with.

I was speaking with some friends last night and we were talking about the intense pull of the computer some time for hours, often times for fifteen or so minutes, but whatever it may be think of what we could be putting into our spiritual lives without this continual distraction.

I read in the Magnificat yesterday the following,

"So I advise you to love nothing except Him. For He is so desirable that if you have him, you will not be able to desire anything else."

Also, I found this gem in Matthew Kelley's book "Rediscovering Catholicism":

"When our children know more about teen pop-idols than they do about Jesus Christ, it is time for us to reassess the place and priority our faith has in our lives."

I translated the following to my life. When I spend more time on-line than I do with Christ, I need to reassess my life. When I spend more time reading different blogs or websites than I spend time reading about Jesus Christ, I need to reassess my life. When I spend time comparing my life to others to see how I am doing over comparing my life to Christ's life, I need to reassess my life. When I have no trouble spending an hour or so on a blog post, but haven't spent an hour with Jesus first, I REALLY need to reassess my life. When I will check my email just "one more time" before going to bed over saying "one more prayer", I need to reassess my life.

My life is out of order. I am not involved in immoral things, but simply put again, my life is out of order. I was telling my friend Kristi today that we are to experience Lent in a way that changes our lives. We are to have a metanoia. What does metanoia mean? The definition is as follows:
a transformative change of heart; especially : a spiritual conversion. Greek, from metanoiein to change one's mind, repent.

I need this. I crave this. I want this. I know the only way possible for this to happen this lent is to step away from the number one thing in my life that is distracting me and keeping me from Christ literally, physically, and spiritually. It is the computer.

I first thought of not doing facebook. Then, I decided to not read other blogs, websites, etc., but would have John check my email and then relay any information that was important. Finally, I decided that I am literally unplugging the computer. It will be a complete black out.

My mind has been occupied all day of what this will entail and the thoughts I had regarding the issue is that we only have goodness to gain. What will we miss?

For several years, my mother and I gave up calling each other all during lent. We talk multiple times every day so this was excruciating. We also had another stipulation. You had to write the other person a hand-written letter every day to tell the other of the events of the day, what we are learning from this phone fast, other thoughts, and just small talk in general. I still have these letter treasures. I loved getting the mail every day.

Just think of the wonderful advantages for this proposal. More letters will be written, more phone calls will be made, more thinking/creating for ourselves will be done instead of turning to certain blogs for inspirational ideas, more sleep will be had, more books will be read, more holy hours will be said, more talking will be done, more playing with children, less comparison, less feeling inadequate, more prayer time which will replace screen time. Tons and tons of reflection. I can honestly not think of one draw back.

Lent only lasts 47 days (technically) so what will be lost? There is nothing so urgent that cannot be put on hold for these 47 days. We have a good 2 1/2 weeks to get organized. Let people know that you will not be on the computer so if they need to tell you something, they must call, come over, or write you a letter. I know several people who do banking on-line, so you might have to make a few visits to your bank to get that months statement, but remember it is only 47 days, this can be done.

I know I do most of my communicating with friends via email so one might think that they don't have the time to call so and so for this or that. Just think of the time saved by not being on-line. I am sure it doesn't compare to a few phone calls here and there. Some might be worried about keeping up their blog and recording certain events. This is were I plan to journal and then transfer the information after Easter and even if I don't get the event down, really was it that crazy important?

We have a Catholic church right across the street from our home. One would think that one would visit the Son of God every day because He lives across the street. Well, that little diddy is about to change. I want to visit Him every day. I want to replace screen time with getting to know Christ. Shame on me for making the computer a bigger priority than my spiritual life. Shame on me for not walking across the street every night before sitting down to the computer. Shame on me for not picking up a spiritual book and deepening my faith before getting on-line. Shame on me for turning to the computer first when I have a child worry instead of walking over and asking God what to do.

I want to have a conversion. My brother Andrew and I were talking the other day about life's "game changers." You know, the times we look back upon our lives and can say that a certain event, certain book, certain conversation literally changed the course of our lives. I want this lenten experience to be a game changer.

Andrew told me a beautiful story. I called him last week and we were chatting like usual and I asked him if ever worried about losing one of his children to sickness. I had been to the Pediatrician with Clairvaux that day and he (the doctor) wanted to send us on to a Pediatric Pulmonologist to have her throat/lungs looked at. It probably will involve a scope, an MRI, and possibly surgery because of narrowing of the subglottic region of her throat. I cried all week. The thought of my darling baby in surgery just does me in. I do not trust, but I want to trust. Anyway, he said he doesn't worry about losing his children, but he does worry about providing for his family. He said that it consumes him sometimes and even brings him to tears.

So, he then told me his remedy. He said at his holy hour, he literally walks up to the altar and lays his worries on the altar. Physically with his arms, he lays his worries down and says to God, "They are yours." Wow.

Then, he told me that his bills were really tight this past month and they literally didn't have enough money so guess what he did? He said, "Lindsay, I made myself write a big fat tithing check to show God how much I trust Him." That blew me away. THAT was a game changer for me.

I want to have that faith with my children. I want to lay my worries physically on the altar of sacrifice and say to God, "They are yours." I want to be able to say when I am worried about Clairvaux, "Lord, she is yours, not mine." In order to get to this point, I need to spend more time with Christ. I need a conversion of my current way of thinking. I need to pray more. I need to sit more with Him to even have those conversations.

I write to you out there in blog land to take this challenge with me. Let us do this together. Let us see how much we can grow. Let us see how far we can be stretched to show ourselves how much we need Christ and nothing else. So, I return to the beginning of this post.

Are we so full of Him, that we need nothing else?
Do we know more about Christ than we know about anything else in our lives? Do we spend the majority of our time getting to know Him more or other distractions?

Please join me. Won't it be wonderful to read, talk, and write about our experiences after Lent? Won't it be so refreshing at the end? Won't it be worth it?

To me, nothing is more worth it. Let us prepare now.

#1 current favorite daily to-do...Get Clairvaux up from a nap

Heart melt every time! She is ALWAYS glad to see me. I apologize, but unless you are a mother only will you understand what I mean. I enjoy getting her up everyday like it is the first time to walk into the room.

There is nothing like the first time walking in to find them sitting or better yet standing. Why do we delight in such things? I hear her often playing so I will crack the door to watch. I tell my mom she just does tri-pods over and over. I see her stand on her head. Sit down. Crawl to the other end. Stand on her head. Sit down. over and over. I wish I could wake up this way. peaceful.

Where is Vianney?

I am grateful for finding funny in the ordinary everyday life with children. They play so cute because usually they are serious about what they are doing that it is so funny. For example, the picture below. I walked into the room and I hear, "Mom, can you find us?" (giggle, giggle) I laughed out loud because this is what I see on the couch. Let's see, I wonder where they are? They would giggle because they really thought they were hiding from me.

Oh Nelly, so shocked I found them.

So, they proceed to have me leave the room so they can hide again. I come into the room and ask, "Where is Rose?" Do you see the pointy finger? Be still, my heart.

Valentine's Day 2011

C-Vo has entered the stage where she allows no one but me to hold her. It drives my sisters completely batty. This is what she does if anyone takes her from me (and then goes into complete hyperventilation mode). Dominic told me that this is his favorite thing she does. "Mom, I love when Clairvaux looks up at me." I love how he delights in her. He usually asks me every day,"Why do we have the cutest baby...I mean...other babies are really cute, but Clairvaux is the cutest."

Fancy Nancy

She really did learn to sit up and crawl in one day. I had one other child who conquered such challenges. It really is adorable. First, her little tush goes in the air and then lands promptly on her back feet and before you know it, little ball of baby sitting here and there.

I told John that I love getting her up in the morning because usually I see a little nape of the neck facing the door and she is bent over examining her pajamas or something intricate of the sorts. I closed the door and sat watching her for a while. Try it.

This is her show-off pose. She gets lots of cheering and then she arches like a seal. Smooch to that cuteness.

I said yesterday "Didn't we just have her?" Why is she sitting up in her bed? I felt like pushing her down, but didn't. It all goes way too fast for me.

These are the videos that only the mother of the child and the child's aunts who live in Florida love to watch over and over. Thank you very much.